So, we’ve discussed the inevitability of facing challenges while in pursuit of any goal. We know that they are going to happen, but how do we work through them when they do? More specifically, how do we respond to a failure in a way that allows us to learn from it? Below I provide the steps that I use with myself and my clients to do just that.
#1: Assess why and how it happened in the first place. Ask yourself, “What conditions/variables led to me making this decision?” Identifying the specific factors that contributed to behaving in a way that we didn’t quite like is the first step in figuring out what to do about it. This ties into the major reason why I don’t like using the phrase “You just have to want it bad enough” as a coaching strategy. While this is ultimately true (where there is a will, there is a way), that should be the very final conclusion we come to after figuring out what factors are making things more difficult than they need to be.
For example, if your goal is to not stop for fast-food on the way home from work but you do it anyway, imagine how unhelpful it would be for me to simply say, “Well, you just don’t want to change bad enough.” Not only would this be discouraging and defeating for you to hear from someone who is supposed to help, but it also completely ignores any other relevant factors that we know make it more likely for people to indulge when they shouldn’t. These factors include things like stress, letting yourself get overly hungry, and not having food prepped at home. So, next time you do something that goes directly against your goals, ask yourself what specific factors contributed to it.
#2: Identify what needs to change and act on it. Now that you’ve figured out what factors contributed to the failure, formulate a plan as to how to turn those factors into things that will work for you, not against you. In other words, even though it is absolutely possible to “willpower” your way to a goal, it will be far less challenging if you manipulate your environment to limit distractions and set yourself up for success. On the other hand, if you are finding that you aren’t able to willpower through it, please hear this: If you keep failing at a goal, what you are doing is not working. Do not keep doing the same thing over and over again and hoping that this time it will stick. Take the factors you identified and change them. In the fast-food example, we would solve the overly hungry problem by eating proper meals and snacks throughout the day, and/or by having a healthy, filling (i.e. high protein and healthy fat) snack to eat on the way home. Whatever the barriers are, figure out a way to get around them, and do exactly that.
#3: Circle back and reassess. Once you have attempted your new plan, reassess how it worked for you. Ask yourself, “What went well? What didn’t go well?” and use these things to reconfigure what needs to happen next time if needed.
These steps can also apply to longer-term events that are typically more challenging to handle, like vacations or phases of life that tend to be more chaotic. Use those changes in routine as opportunities to practice being adaptable and learning about what works for you and what doesn’t.
