When it comes to self-compassion, what is the first thing you think of? What does self-compassion look like when applied to health and fitness? What might come to mind is something along the lines of giving yourself grace – perhaps when you go off track, overindulge, or miss too many workouts in a row.
This is referred to as the reassurance side of self-compassion. What many people often miss, however, is the acceptance side of self-compassion. Acceptance involves holding ourselves accountable to the fact that there is an issue at hand and that it needs to be addressed. When it comes to fitness, I notice that many of us operate on one extreme or the other. For that reason, when my clients come to me with an issue or behavior they are struggling with that is preventing them from reaching their goals, I first try to identify which area of self-compassion they may be “stuck” in.
Now, both reassurance and acceptance are important when it comes to being kind to ourselves and promoting our own well-being. We want to be able to apply both to a situation, or maybe a little more of one than the other depending on what is needed in that moment. Problems arise, however, when we lean too heavily on one side.
Too much reassurance may sound like:
- “It’s okay that I have not moved my body in ___ days/weeks/months. Life is hard right now.”
- “It’s okay for me to overindulge again; I’ve had a hard week.”
and may result in:
- Not taking responsibility for your actions which are harming you
- Getting into a cycle of depending on something that doesn’t serve you (food, laziness, etc.)
- Preventing yourself from experiencing personal growth
On the other hand, too much acceptance may sound like:
- “I am a terrible person for eating all of this. I’m disgusting and I need to stop doing this to myself.”
- “It doesn’t matter how I feel. I’m going to suck it up and do it.”
and may result in:
- Ignoring your feelings, emotions, and overall mental health
- Not resting when you should
- Burnout
When we are able to integrate both reassurance and acceptance into our daily lives, we have more kindness and respect towards ourselves. Instead of making yet another excuse for behaviors we know only make us feel worse, or having extremely negative self-talk for a mistake we have been making, we can acknowledge that what we are doing is not okay while also validating how tough things have been on us.
What side of self-compassion do you tend to lean towards? How can you start working on integrating the other side?
